I can't stop admiring the quotes of zeeva

I can't stop admiring the quotes of zeeva
Officer Ziva David: [McGee is dismantling a network server] What can I do to help, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: You can stop touching things when you're not grounded.
Officer Ziva David: Okay, sorry. Hack away, you won't even notice me here.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Okay, but you're standing on my foot

Officer Ziva David: Lt. Commander Wilkinson drives a 2002 silver Jetta.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Figures...
Officer Ziva David: What figures?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Chick car.
Officer Ziva David: Meaning?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: There are guy cars and there are chick cars. It's a known and irrefutable fact.
Officer Ziva David: Was it a government study?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's just a thing you know, you don't know how you know it, you just do. Sebring, Liberty, Jetta and Bug; whole VW line are all chick. Mustang, Camaro, Escalade, PT Cruiser: all guy. Hummer is very guy, but with adequacy issues, and then there is some that go both ways.
[Officer David steps on the breaks and points at a silver car]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's an Accord, not a Jetta. But, case in point, Mini Cooper and Accura follow the same category.
Officer Ziva David: Uff, you've giving this a lot of thought, it's very sad.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Then there is the Miata, it's a special case: Leans to chick, but can go guy, usually means he's in denial, though. STOP!
Officer Ziva David: Gladly, if it means I don't have to listen to your automobile gender issues.

Officer Ziva David: Who's on the phone?
Danny: Uh, my girlfriend.
[Ziva takes the phone]
Officer Ziva David: [flirtatiously] Hi...
[giggles]
Officer Ziva David: Oh, my God! Don't touch me there!
Danny's Girlfriend: What?
Officer Ziva David: He's gonna have to call you back. Bye.
Danny's Girlfriend: What? Wait a sec...!
[Ziva hangs up the phone]
Officer Ziva David: [to Danny] You're busted.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [after entering Wilkerson's house] Nice job with the lock by the way.
Officer Ziva David: Thank you, it was a very simple pin-and-tumbler design.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: So are handcuffs. But I bet you couldn't get out of a pair.
Officer Ziva David: Are you saying, you'd like to handcuff me, Tony?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's not *really* my thing, Ziva.
Officer Ziva David: I see. You're the one who likes to be handcuffed, then, huh?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [quietly, to Ziva] Will you please calm down. This guy is a little jumpy, and nervous, so just relax. No sudden moves, all right?
[Ziva removes her cuffs, kicks the security guard's gun away, and pins him to the floor, aiming the gun at his chest]
Security Officer Chuck Parnell: No, no! Don't shoot! Don't-don't shoot!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nobody's gonna shoot anyone. Right, Officer David?
Officer Ziva David: He called me a dirtbag.
Security Officer Chuck Parnell: [whimpering] I'm sorry, ma'am.
Officer Ziva David: [angrier] "Ma'am?"
[Tony facepalms]

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Ziva's driving as they're searching for Wilkerson's car] Just out of curiosity, who taught you to drive?
Officer Ziva David: I did!

Ross Logan: Look, our best hackers haven't been able to track this guy.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You haven't met our hacker.
Ross Logan: He's good?
Officer Ziva David: Does a bear sit in the woods?
Ross Logan: [slight chuckle] Are you the crackerjack team on this job?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She's Israeli.
Officer Ziva David: Look, I know I got the bear thing right.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Gibbs quickly accelerates the car] Where we going now, Boss?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The mall!
Officer Ziva David: And they have a problem with *my* driving?

Security Officer Chuck Parnell: Make any sudden moves, I shoot. Do we understand each other?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Okay, relax, Quick-draw. We're feds.
Security Officer Chuck Parnell: Yeah? What agency?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, Officer Ziva David: NCIS.
Security Officer Chuck Parnell: Never heard of it.
Officer Ziva David: Naval Criminal Investigative Ser...
Security Officer Chuck Parnell: Never-heard-of-it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [sighs] You never actually get used to that. You think you will, but you never do.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Enough about me. Let me guess: Pilates?
Officer Ziva David: Very good, Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I *am* an investigator, it's kind of what I do.
Officer Ziva David: Mm-hmm.
[puts her feet on her desk, her feet are covered with tape and blood]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I thought you said you were doing Pilates?
Officer Ziva David: Isn't Pilates one of your Martial Arts?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No. It's kind of like expensive stretching.
Officer Ziva David: Mm. Well then, I guess I wasn't doing a Pilate.
[starting to take the tape off her feet]
Officer Ziva David: Mind giving me a hand with this?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yes I do. Whose blood is that?
Officer Ziva David: Not mine.

Security Officer Chuck Parnell: Cuff yourself to him.
Officer Ziva David: I'd rather you shoot me first.

Danny: Dude, there's no such thing as "genital cuffs."
Tim: But what if there is? I mean, dude, these guys aren't even cops, they're, like, some secret federal agency! Did you see the way that chick was playing with her knife?
Danny: Yeah... it was kind of hot, like Salma Hayek in "Desperado."
Officer Ziva David: [appearing behind them] Never saw that.

Officer Ziva David: Don't worry, Abby. Sometimes you can't see the jungle for the ferns.
Abby Sciuto: Uh... right.

Ross Logan: I run this chapter of the PBJ.
Officer Ziva David: Peanut butter and jelly, right?
Ross Logan: Actually, no. It stands for Perverts Brought to Justice.

Ross Logan: Our best people haven't been able to crack these emails.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You haven't met our cracker.
Ross Logan: Is he good?
Officer Ziva David: Does a bear sit in the woods?
Ross Logan: Are you the crackerjack team on this case?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She's Israeli.
Officer Ziva David: Look, I know I got the bear thing right.